Human
by As A Ghost
Summary: <html><head></head>(Sequel to Meant To Live) Humans always hurt their own kind. Every day is about survival. At one point, I might have given what I could, but it eventually came down to what others had and what I was willing to do to take it. If you had asked me what I thought a couple years ago, I would tell you that hurting others is wrong. But now, I'm not so sure. I'm barely even human.</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Human**

* * *

><p>Our breathing was labored as we walked through the uncut grass, under the canopy of tall trees and clumps of dark green leaves. Birds were chirping in the foliage, the sun beating down on our bowed heads. I limped forward, trying to stay at a good pace as Abby slowed down behind me. Her lungs sounded like they might fail on her as we fled through the woods. I turned my head around to see that she had dropped to the ground, her sobs feeling like I had been stabbed with a dull knife. I didn't have time to cry, not anymore. There were things to be done now that we were unprotected.<p>

"We have to keep moving," I said, making my way to her. I lent out a hand, wincing as her weight was applied to my wounded leg.

"I can't," she cried, tears streaming down her dirtied face. "Just leave me here."

"Get up," I raised my voice, out of patience. "We have to find the others."

"They're gone!" she screamed, clamping a hand over her mouth as she realized we were in the open. A walker came out of the covering of tree trunks, snarling at us. More were sure to follow it, and I didn't plan on being here when they showed up.

"Some of them may still be alive," I hissed, dropping her hand as I trudged forward, following a dirt path now as I exited the grass.

The walker followed after me instead of Abby, like I had wanted it to. Though my leg was badly hurt, I could still walk well enough to coax it my direction. I tugged on the waist band of my jeans, tucking the barrel of the gun behind me, making sure it faced from my body with a quick peek. Before I knew it, Abby was behind the walker, sending a frightful look my way. I ushered for her to take hold of it, one swift motion being all that was needed before I killed it. She dropped it on the ground as I re-sheathed my blade. I didn't look back as I wandered ahead, knowing well that she would follow me just to stay alive. I wasn't sure where we were going, but anywhere was better than here. Her soft crying let me know she was still around as I searched for shelter. After about twenty minutes of walking we came to a clearing, the ceiling of leaves opening up to reveal a bright, burning sun. I looked above me, checking to make sure we had plenty of daylight to find a place for the night.

"Where are we goin'?" she sniffed, jogging to catch up with me.

"Anywhere is better than here," I replied grimly. We came to a small hill; it took me a minute to walk up it. The hill lead to a road, packed tightly with cars that had been left scattered.

"You're bleedin'," she mumbled, but I didn't reply. The throbbing in my leg was still very much present, but I _had_ to find a place for the night.

"There!" I said, pointing to a small, white house at the far end of the littered street. We breathed in a sigh of relief, almost running, if we could have managed, to the house. I took the first few steps up to the porch, the white wood creaking under my boots. The entrance was a double door, scuffed and beaten in from walkers.

"Do you know how to use this?" I asked her, handing over the gun so that she would be armed if necessary. She nodded quickly, taking it with unsteady hands as I took my hunting knife from its sheath. "Follow me. We need to make sure its clear before anything else, understand?"

Another nod. It felt like I was talking to Summer now; I was right back where I started. "Only use this is you have to. We should do this quietly."

I took hold of one of the doorknobs, jiggling it to find it was locked. I groaned, pushing my body against the doorframe as I rammed the end of my knife into the lock, prying it apart. I slammed my body into it full force, causing it to swing open suddenly. I stumbled over my feet, panting as we entered the house. Abby shut the door behind us, following me cautiously. I could tell se hadn't been outside in a long time by how she walked. She looked scared shitless, and maybe it was best that way. Scared meant being alive.

We made our way into the kitchen, coming to find it empty. I signaled for her to head another way as I crossed into what looked to be a living room. My breath hitched, spotting the top of a man's head over a sofa. Abby came out of another exit, ending up in front of the sofa and me. She shrieked, eyes growing huge as she covered her mouth, shaking her head as I asked what was wrong. I crossed over the couch, sighing as I found only a rotting corpse. She looked at me like I was crazy, as I seemed to be unbothered by it. I was just happy to see it wasn't a walker.

"Where are you goin'?" she yelped, running after me like a scared kid. She clutched my arm as I pulled myself up the first few steps.

"Gotta check the whole house," I reminded her, rolling my eyes as she slowly let go of my arm, allowing me to head up the staircase. "Think you can check the rest of it?"

"Y-yeah," she blinked, as if she was being struck with the reality of our situation. I watched her turn down the hallway across from the living room.

The upstairs was quiet and messy. I took timid steps down the hall, swinging each door open quickly before straining my neck to check for walkers. After every room was open, I made for a more thorough look. I made sure nothing was in any of the bathrooms, other than of course, something already dead. I shut the bathroom door quietly that was built into one of the smaller bedrooms, having found a small kid slumped against the toilet, brains splattered on the wall where a bullet had killed him. I exited the room after making sure the entrance was shut, leaning over the railing of the staircase.

"Upstairs is clear!" I called down, waiting for Abby's reply.

"There's nothin' down here," she said, running from under the stairs to look up at me. "Just an office and a bedroom." I made my way back downstairs, my legs feeling like they'd collapse. I dropped my backpack on the sofa next to the man we had found, glancing at him for a moment before unzipping the bigger pouch. I looked from his rotted face to the shotgun resting easy against the man's legs. Maybe it still had ammunition. I'd have to remind myself to check later.

"Help me move this," I muttered, the two of us taking hold of a recliner chair, scooting it against the front door to make a temporary barrier.

"You think it'll hold?" she asked, giving me a questionable look.

"It'll have to," I replied, snatching the rope from my bag next. I walked to the knobs, looping the rope around them before tightly knotting it. Next, I made a figure eight a few times around the two of them, tying the ends off securely. I pulled on the rope as tight as I could before dropping the extra length of it. I pulled on the knobs, finding they didn't budge much now. We could rest easy knowing the house was safe for however long we planned to stay for.

Abby looked at me strangely as I walked lamely back to the couch.

"I'll be back," I muttered, grabbing my bag before heading upstairs once more. The walk was painful but I didn't care, I just had to make sure the bullet wasn't stuck in my leg. Without a doctor, an infection would start for sure. Pushing open the bathroom door at the end of the hall, rummaging through my bag, unclasping my sheath; these proved to be challenging. Next, I unbuttoned my jeans before taking a few deep breathes, peeling them off slowly. When it came close to the wound, I bit down on my lip, a sharp pain shooting through my leg as I ripped the clothing off that was fastened to my calve by my own drying blood. I threw the jeans to the ground, slumping to the floor to sit crisscross to better see the back of my leg. I sighed in relief, a gash in my leg but no bullet hole to be spotted. It looked like the bullet had just grazed my leg, causing a deep gash alone the length of it. It hadn't gone completely through it, which was good for me. Alcohol, gauze, needle, and thread were laid out in front of me now as I prepared to stitch it myself. I was about to try and close up the wound before Abby called my name.

"Yeah?" I yelled back before jumping at the sound of a knock on the door.

"What are you doin'?" she asked, trying to push open the door. "Let me in," she said, and I scooted away from the door as she opened it, giving me the craziest look. "Do you wanna get an infection?!" she yelled, shaking her head at me.

"I have to close it!" I yelled back, standing up with my one good leg while the other balanced on my toes.

"Let me stitch it," she replied, telling me to sit on the toilet lid. The bathroom was surprisingly clean, which was why I chose to do it here. I figured I might get the needle dirty any other place. I watched her thread the needle before soaking it in alcohol. She turned to me now, the needle ready.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" I asked, swallowing hard.

"Do you?" she bit back, and I shrugged. She had a point; I wasn't a doctor. I knew the gist of it; that was it. "Here."

Abby handed me the point of the needle, busy in thought. She looked around the room before spotting a door in the mirror, opening the small closet behind her, looking for god knows what. After a moment she tossed out two rags, handing one to me while she drenched the other in more alcohol. "Bite down on that," she instructed, and I raised my eyebrows before inhaling sharply as she applied the rag to my leg. I bit into the rag, grunting as I grabbed a fist full of her shirt. It was much worse than the time Hershel had done it, that was for sure. "Almost done," she stated, patting it before taking the needle in her left hand, ready to stitch the wound.

"Shit!" I screamed, biting on the rag as hard as I could, feeling like my jaw just might snap. I murmured into the cloth as she began to thread the soaked thread through my skin. She was sitting next to me, able to see the back on my calve clearly as I shook my other leg absent mindedly to calm myself.

"Just a little more," she said, as I blinked back tears, breathing in through my nose as I stared at her nimble hands working the needle through quickly. I felt the thread tug on my skin as a tear ran down my cheek, before she chewed on it with her teeth, separating the threat with ease. "Better?"

I glared at her as she stood up, collecting the belongings into the backpack before picking up my knife. I stood up from the seat, walking forward slowly, applying pressure on my leg slightly before it began to burn. "Don't walk too much," she said, as I gripped the doorframe, making my way to one of the bedrooms to raid it for new clothing. She acted as my shadow as I limped forward, opening drawers to look for new jeans. "Here," she said, tossing me a dark blue pair that looked to be my size. I sat on the end of the bed, carefully pulling my legs through before standing up to button them. They were lose on me all around as I fastened my belt through the loops.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" I asked, turning away from her as I laid out a new shirt as well as a jacket. The shirt was a dark grey, and jacket black. I pulled the very dirty button up over my head before re-dressing myself, keeping the jacket unzipped. "You should find some new clothes, too," I said quietly, bundling up the old ones to throw on the floor.

"My momma taught me," she replied softly, and I looked at her, feeling so guilty and overwhelmed that I couldn't save her like I had Abby. I sighed, grabbing my sheath from the dresser top as I hobbled out of the room.

"I'll go find something for us to eat," I said, glancing at her sadly before making my way down stairs.

* * *

><p>"There's only a little in the kitchen," I said to her as she made her way down the last few steps. "Found some canned food in the kitchen."<p>

She walked into the kitchen where I was presently at, taking a seat at the table as I placed a can of soup in front of her. She looked at it like she was disgusted as I took a seat in front of her, clasping my hands together. I handed her a spoon I had collected from one of the drawers, giving her a faint smile as she pulled the lid off the can. Her stomach growled loudly as she began to eat it.

"You're not hungry?" she asked, pausing about half way into the can.

"You eat it, I'll find more food tomorrow," I said, but she was stubborn, setting the can on the table before pushing it toward me.

"You need to eat, too," she said, crossing her arms. I furrowed my eyebrows, unclasping my hands to place them on the edge of the table.

"I'm not hungry," I said. I wished she'd just eat the damn soup; it wasn't like there was enough to go around. "You're still sick. Just eat it."

"But you haven't eaten once today!" she argued, causing me to stand up from the table, my hands spread on the table. I leaned in toward her a bit, her eyes finding anywhere to rest but on mine.

"Eat it." I stood up from the table, walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs. There was no time for bullshit anymore. We had to find food and soon, but I could do without for a little while. There was no other way I could find to make her listen to me unless I acted this way. Normally, she would ignore me and brush off what I said like how she did at the prison, but these weren't normal times. I had to do something, to keep us both alive until we found the others.

* * *

><p>I chose to sleep in the room toward the hall bathroom, finding it clean for the most part. Abby hadn't come upstairs, and I figured maybe she was keeping her distance from me. It looked like most people hadn't come up here, deciding to raid for food and weapons rather than clothes. I slung the two bags down we had managed to get as we fled the prison. The black pouch sat there, waiting for me to open it. I ran my fingers through my hair before plucking it from the nightstand, sitting on the bed as my thin fingers undid the knot keeping its contents protected. I pulled the drawstring apart, holding the fabric open as I dumped out what was inside. I stood up from the bed, staring at what had fallen out. I reached my hand out, turning over a can that looked to be unopened formula. Wiping my nose with the end of my jacket sleeve, I picked up a sheriff badge that gleamed in the early morning light from the window directly behind the bed. I passed my thumb over it, wiping off a small amount of dust that had collected on it. I laid it back on the bed, holding up what looked like a picture frame next.<p>

I turned it over, wiping the glass with my sleeve before staring at the picture underneath it. I cradled it carefully, as if it was the most fragile thing on Earth. I sat back down on the mattress slowly; looking around the room to see it was empty. My reflection stared back at me in the glass as I gazed down at the family photo. It had to have been years ago, because Rick and Carl looked much different now. Next to Carl was a woman with bright eyes and a big smile, her arm around his shoulders. I took a guess and decided it was his mom, the one that had died giving birth to Judith. I glanced between the formula, back to Carl's mom, hoping she was still alive. My vision blurred, blinking as a few tears fell onto the glass. I held my head in my hand, setting the frame down as I brought my palms up to cover my face. I finally let myself cry for a few minutes, my body shaking with sobs before I pulled myself together.

"You'll find them," I told myself as I stood from the mattress.

I emptied my backpack next, making sure to leave the items for Abby when she found I wasn't in the house. I zipped up the pack after dumping what was lying on the bed, walking down the staircase quietly, hearing her very soft crying. She had been a mess ever since dinner, finally mourning all of her losses. Very carefully, I walked into the kitchen, eying the gun she had left there. The other magazine was in my room; I figured I didn't need to use it. She was located down the hall from the living room, and was probably so invested in her own thoughts that she wouldn't hear me leave. I opened the back door soundlessly, closing it shut as I made my way through the fenced back yard, and onto the road to look for supplies.

* * *

><p><strong>This world will never be<br>What I expected  
>And if I don't belong<strong>

**Even if I say**  
><strong>It'll be alright<strong>  
><strong>Still I hear you say<strong>  
><strong>You want to end your life<strong>  
><strong>Now and again we try<strong>  
><strong>To just stay alive<strong>  
><strong>Maybe we'll turn it all around<strong>  
><strong>'Cause it's not too late<strong>  
><strong>It's never too late<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Human**

**A/N~ this chapter is rated T for violence and mature content. Dont say I didn't worn you guys; enjoy the chapter! Happy to have my laptop back!**

* * *

><p>I swayed to the side, leaning against the blood-flecked wall of the shopping mart. The glass was beaten in, shattered all over the tiled floor. My head tilted upward, tracing the ripped out cables from the ceiling with my silver eyes. The sun was disappearing from the sky by around noon, covered by dark, grey clouds. It was most likely going to storm tonight. I stepped over the glass, careful not to crunch it more. My body was itching to run back to the house, but I knew we'd never make it unless I gathered food. The walls were covered in dry blood, and every time I passed by a splatter all I got was an image of some innocent person getting ripped to shreds.<p>

"Get in, get out," I muttered to myself, repeating the words Daryl had said to me on my first run with the group, breathing slowly as I passed a mangled body slumped against one of the walls.

I grimaced, pinching my nose shut to block the nauseating smell invading my nostrils as I walked past. I glanced back, to the outside to make sure there were no corpses that followed my trail. I had followed the road for a few miles, ecstatic to find a small convenience store. I pulled my backpack from my shoulders, unzipping it and shaking it open. Hopefully this place wasn't picked clean. If I was lucky, I'd find the both of us food to last a few days. Every place I went had been ransacked long before I got there, including the two houses I had broken into. But I needed to find food; we had nothing left. I made my way down each aisle, carefully scanning the shelves. I turned the corner, moving through the drink aisle that was bare. Before long, I found an aisle with some canned goods. I ran to them as quick as I could, picking them up. I didn't bother to look at what it was; if it was food, then that was all that mattered to me. I hurried to put them in my backpack, picking up the last one from the shelf. It went crashing to the ground, rolling under the shelf. I cringed, turning to watch my back.

A loud crash from the other side of the shop grabbed my attention, thunder rumbling in the sky the moment after. The breath caught in my throat, and I froze in place. I picked up my bag, strapping it back over my shoulders as I walked quietly to locate the noise. Once I made it to the end of the aisle, I looked over the shelf to see if there was a corpse in the store. I absent-mindedly pulled the hunter knife from my belt, holding it down at my side as I walked faster toward the opposite side of the store. I heard the noise again, and I knew it had to be a corpse. I stepped out from behind the shelf as it turned to look at me, teeth bared. The lump in my throat wouldn't go down no matter how much I swallowed, and this time, facing this thing, I was actually scared.

It dragged its left foot behind itself, limping toward me with what appeared to be a badly broken ankle. It's arms reached out for me, growling when it got close. Its skin was ripped at the mouth, blisters all around its neck. And its eyes were glossed over, a milky color, making it hard to decipher iris from the natural white of the eye. Its clothes were almost none existent, and the smell of it- I knew it had been here a while. My grip on the knife handle tightened, and when it got within reaching distance, I jammed the blade into its eye. I let go of the handle as it dropped to the floor, taking my blade with it. I followed suit, dropping to my knees to retrieve the only useful weapon on me. When I grabbed the handle, its arm reached up and pulled me down close to its face. I struggled, trying my best to rip the knife out only to plunge it back into its skull, unfortunately making quite a bit of noise. When it stopped moving, I pulled the knife out and sat back from it on the floor, out of breathe. After a moment, I got back up on wobbly knees, ready to go back to the aisle I had left my can of food in.

The sound of a heavy metal door slamming shut sounded behind me; I looked ahead only for a second to see a tall boy standing in the open, looking from my eyes to the bag I had hungrily. His hair was dark and greasy, but his clothes fit well enough on him, but were very worn down. He had his hands stuffed in his jacket pocket, and I thought he might have a gun. Had he been watching me this whole time? Were there others? His entire existence scared me to death; I had completely disregarded the fact there were _other _people out here, living outside day to day. "Drop what's in your bag," he instructed. I fumbled with the knife between my fingers as he pulled a small revolver out of his jacket. It only made me more anxious as I stared down the barrel of the gun.

I stepped back as my eyes grew wide, about to make a run for it when the boy lunged at me, latching onto my upper arm, digging the tips of his fingers in my skin. I let out a yelp, only to have him cover my mouth with his dirt caked hand. I dropped my knife, hearing it crash to the tile, and he brought me to the ground in one swift motion, causing me to fall on my knees. By now he had a hand on my backpack, tugging it from my shoulders.

"Stop fighting me, you bitch," he spat, as I dug my uncut nails along his forearm, feeling the skin being raked from him. He unzipped my backpack while I was puzzled, throwing around everything I had stashed in it. He was going to take everything I had; what was in that bag was all I had left. We wouldn't make it out there if he robbed me. I had dealt with a mugger before, once, right when the apocalypse began. He was an elderly man, and just as afraid. Luckily, he let me go. He didn't even have a weapon, he was just scared, and so he let me and my sister pass by. But I knew this wasn't the same. This guy had made it this long; he had probably killed dozens, and I would be no different.

"Useless! It's all useless!" he yelled, throwing it down on the ground. I flinched, looking around. The picture frame I had so carefully tucked into the pack lay with a broken frame, a huge crack cutting through Carl's beaming face. I eyed it, petrified, thinking I wouldn't get the chance to ever see my group again. The mugger kept his eyes from me as he glared at the food I had. My knife was on the ground, and I squirmed from under him, trying to stretch my arm an impossible length to reach my weapon. He saw me, and he moved his leg, stepping on my hand before pushing it away. I screamed, clawing at the hand covering my mouth.

"Where's your group?! " he interrogated in a raspy voice. He bent down next to me, and I looked into his green eyes, searching for mercy. "Tell me where your group's at, and I promise I wont hurt you."

"Answer me!" the kid yelled, slamming the grip of the gun into my lip. My skin burned, and my hand felt numb. The guy grabbed my face, shaking me relentlessly. He placed his hand back over my mouth, and I bit into the skin of his palm as hard as I could. I turned my head to the side, wrinkling my nose up at the taste of small remnants of flesh and iron before spitting it out. He let go of me to cradle the side of his hand I had chewed on, and I took the chance to crawl away. "Get back here, I'm not finished!"

He pulled me back by my calves, and I punched wherever I could reach as he turned me onto my stomach, yelping as he pushed down on the newly stitched wound. His five digits ran up my back before twisting themselves into my tatted hair that hadn't been brushed in days, slamming my head against the tile.

"Get off of me!" I screamed, thrashing around in a futile attempt to escape. I had lost my group, my family. I had left Abby alone, unprotected just so I could feel useful to her. And now I was going to die, I was sure of it.

"Tell me where the others are!" he hissed in my ear, but I continued to cry. I would never give Abby away, even if I was going to die. He could do whatever he wanted to me, but I'd rather die than give away her position. He warned me once more before he brought a metal weapon to the back of my skull. He rammed it against the crown of my head, asking so many questions that seemed to run together.

"I don't have a group!" I screamed, the weight of his body on my legs.

"That's bullshit," he said, the words upsetting my stomach as they passed his cracked lips. I was left on the ground panting as I stared out the doors of the shop, before he bent his head down to look into my dull eyes. I searched his emerald orbs for any remainder of a human being, but was left empty. "You'd be dead by now," he said, chuckling deeply to himself as he pushed the barrel of the gun into my hair.

"No! No, no- stop!" I screamed, as he started to faintly drag it down the side of my face. He was playing with me like I was his food. "Please, you don't want to do this," I begged, sounding utterly pathetic as I sobbed.

"I'm only gonna ask you one more time!" he yelled into my face, and I turned my head to the side, staring at the picture frame I wasn't sure I'd get to return to Carl. I didn't know if he was alive, but I wished he'd come walking in. I knew he wouldn't; I'd have to get myself out of this. I had to be strong, I had to help Abby; I had to get this back to him.

"I don't have-" I stopped myself; telling him I was alone was like writing my death certificate. He glared at me, inspecting my bruising face as I stayed silent. He was heavy, and it felt like I could barely breath. I was sure what this guy's intents were, but I'd never tell him anything. He would find Abby, take our supplies, and probably kill her as well. And I couldn't let that happen.

"Just tell me where they're staying!"

"Fuck you," I spat.

"Fine, have it your way," he spoke, my heart sinking in my chest. I wondered if he had done this to someone else, some other helpless girl. I wondered if he killed her. It seemed like this had been rehearsed, like he had plenty of practice with up-close combat. I squirmed from under him as he struggled to keep me contained, which wasn't working out in his favor. I grunted as I reached out for my knife, almost able to feel its handle on my finger tips. He wasn't paying attention now as he yanked on my jeans, and in that split second I saw my opportunity. I swung my head up, the back of mine colliding with the bridge of his nose as a gunshot sounded. My ears were ringing, my whole world feeling dizzy.

"You bitch!" he yelled, not in time to restrain me as I snatched my knife from the floor.

He turned me over with ease so that I was on my back, fisting my jacket before I stabbed him in the abdomen. He gasped, his eyes bulging at me as he gripped the handle I held between my hands. His breathing came in short spurts as I stared at his fading eyes. Blood trickled out of his mouth before he fell over onto the tile, clutching the handle. He looked like a fish out of water as he wriggled around. This wasn't going to end well, one of us was leaving here alive. And it was going to be me.

* * *

><p><strong>Ever since I could remember,<strong>  
><strong>Everything inside of me,<strong>  
><strong>Just wanted to fit in <strong>  
><strong>I was never one for pretenders,<strong>  
><strong>Everything I tried to be,<strong>  
><strong>Just wouldn't settle in <strong>

**If I told you what I was,**  
><strong>Would you turn your back on me?<strong>  
><strong>And if I seem dangerous,<strong>  
><strong>Would you be scared?<strong>  
><strong>I get the feeling just because<strong>  
><strong>Everything I touch isn't dark enough<strong>  
><strong>That this problem lies in me<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Human**

**A/N~ Because The Walking Dead is premiering tonight, I thought I'd update rapidly for you guys! This chapter is kind of a filler (though I wouldn't call it one), but important to these two girl's development as they begin to evolve in this world. I hope you all enjoy this chapter; I'd love to know your thoughts and feelings! ****-_IN THE MORE MODERN AGE THAT IS **NOW**, CUTTING LONG HAIR INTO A SHORT CUT MEANS TO FORGET THE PAST, LEAVING THE OLD AND STARTING ANEW-_**

* * *

><p>"Where've you been?!"<p>

She lowered the pistol, aiming it at the hardwood rather than my head. I dropped the backpack on the ground with a loud thud, the pouches much fuller than when I had left the house earlier that morning. It was sunset now, the sky splotched with color varying from yellow to purple. Her caramel eyes tore from mine as she focused on the bag full of food. Her trigger finger slowly eased up on the gun before she set it on the couch cushion, unzipping the larger pocket. She pulled out a water bottle I had taken from the back room the mugger had come from.

"I went to find supplies," I replied, "there's a store not far from here. There was a storage room full of food," I explained, watching her unscrew the cap before gulping down a good half of the water. "I didn't have enough time to get all of it, but I can go tomorrow."

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand as she studied my face. I kept my eyes averted from her purposefully; panicking that she knew I was lying. She would be right, of course, but I couldn't let her know what I did. I thought that if I told her what I did to that kid that she would be scared of me, and I couldn't risk that. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, right? My hands were smudged with dried blood which I did my best to hide, and I was sure my face told a different story than what I had just said. Just the sight of me could unsettle her, so coming clean about what had really went down in that store wasn't a good idea.

"What happened?"

"I got caught between some walkers," I lied, trying to make that excuse add up in my head as well. I could say I fell if need be, but I didn't think she'd keep asking questions.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, putting her concerns to rest. I'll be back, I'm gonna lie down," I added. I watched her twist the cap back on the almost empty bottle as she gave me a quizzical look.

"Okay," she replied, breaking eye contact as she stared into space, sitting on the floor against the side of the couch. "I'll be here, if you need anythin'," she said quietly as I took hold of the railing, climbing my way up the staircase.

I shut the door to the hall bathroom as softly as I could, turning to face the mirror as I grabbed the sides of the bathrooms vanity for some sort of stability. I felt sick to my stomach as I looked into my reflection's eyes. I could barely see myself anymore; I let this life change me into something I used to be scared of. My eyes were a very dark grey, appearing almost black as the irises mixed with my pupils in the dim light of the room. The dark circles under my eyes made them look like they were sunken in, a big contrast to my pale complexion. Around my left eye socket was a newly formed welt, starting from my cheekbone to my temple. It was a blossoming purple, with bits of red taking place around the rising skin. I brought a gentle hand up to touch it, hissing as the skin throbbed horribly from my touch. My bottom lip was busted, a split in the skin making it stick out more, my mouth taking the form of a pout as it swelled up. My dark hair was falling out of the bun I had kept it in, tangled and pulled free from where he had twisted his hands in it. With nimble fingers, I began pulling out the hair band stuck in my hair. Once free, it tumbled down my back in matted sections.

My actions finally hit full force as I began to break the tangles apart with my fingers, willing myself not to break down. I had killed someone today. It wasn't a walker, it was a living person, and I killed him. I didn't even feel bad about it as I recounted how many times I had torn my knife through him. I counted four, until he stopped moving all together. Five, if finishing the job counted. I had waited maybe an hour for him to reanimate, and a part of me wished I had let him suffer as a walker. But I didn't want to leave him for someone to be killed from. He was the lowest person, and he deserved to rot, but I couldn't leave him to kill yet another person. I reached my right hand down, pulling my knife from its sheath. I eyed the cleaned blade for a moment before pulling down on a small lock of hair, sawing through it. Long, tatted hair fell to my feet as I started cutting it away.

I didn't quite know what I was anymore, being truthful. Was I a murderer, or did those titles even hold significance anymore? Did this make me just as bad as him, or better? The whole situation confused me as I kept my eyes on my reflection, taking hold of the hair in the back before finding my place. My scalp was still sore from how many times he had tugged at my hair, but I didn't let it bother me as I cut the remainder of it off. I set the knife on the vanity, gazing at myself in the dusty glass as I ran my fingers through the freshly cut hair, finding it hard to pull on by its new length. It was like the girl I was a couple years ago vanished as I examined myself now. That was how it needed to be, so that we could keep going.

* * *

><p>"What'd you do?" she asked, her face puzzled as she looked at the short hair.<p>

"Cut it," I answered, rummaging through the cabinets on my tiptoes. "It doesn't get in the way now."

"You're gonna eat?" Abby asked, a spoon full of canned peas in front of her mouth.

"Uh huh," I replied, opening a few drawers before grabbing a utensil as well. I took a seat across from her at the small, round kitchen table. I started to open another can as she stared at me, the quiet house not all that comforting. I held my cheek in my hand as I stirred the vegetables, my eyes locked on the liquid twirling around the metal container.

"Here," she said, breaking the silence momentarily as she dug in the backpack, yanking free a water bottle before holding it out to me. I took it nonchalantly, setting it next to the can as I continued to stir.

"Thanks," I replied, my attention elsewhere.

"We have enough food to last us a while," she commented, which I replied to with a nod. I felt so unattached now as I sat with her, wondering where we'd be two days from now, two months if we made it that far. I'd get us that far, I was sure of it.

"Brooke?"

"What?"

"What happened to you?" she asked, setting her silverware on the tabletop as she eyed me intently.

"Already told you," I mumbled, hearing her sigh heavily though I did not look up.

"What _really_ happened?" she questioned, this time getting my attention as I looked up at her from under my eyelashes. I let go of my spoon, sitting up straight to face her. "You're not-"

"I'm trying to keep us alive," I answered, my words seeming to make her hush. "You want the truth?"

She looked up at me unsure as I stood from the table, pulling over my chair so I could sit in front of her. She stared at me, eyes beginning to fill with tears. "I am keeping us safe. We had to have food, so I got it. We needed shelter, so I got it. I'm doing the best I can," I said truthfully, staring directly into her eyes, and surprisingly, she didn't look away from me.

"I could have went with you," she argued as I shook my head.

"I didn't want you to come, it's too dangerous," I replied, as she frowned.

"You can't go alone," she pointed out. She was right, again, but I couldn't tell her that. I bowed my head, holding my face in my hands as I fought the urge to tell Abby the truth.

"There are people out there who will kill you if they get the chance, and I can't let you come with me. It's better if you stay here," I said, my voice coming out somewhat muffled by the palms of my hands. "Your mom told me to keep you safe, and it's my job to do that."

The last part slipped out, and I immediately regretted saying it as the kitchen grew completely still. If it weren't for her shadow, I would've thought she disappeared into thin air by how silent she was being. I took my hands from my face, about to check if she was okay before she pulled me into a hug. Her arms squeezed around my neck tightly as her fingers bunched up the material of my jacket. I hugged her back as she began to shake. After a minute her crying stopped completely, and I closed my eyes at the much-needed hug. After all the hell we had endured in only two days, it was well overdue for the both of us. She pulled away slowly, wiping her eyes as she sniffled.

"I knew she liked you," she said with a small laugh, a smile spreading like fire across her face. I didn't think she'd smile again for a long time, but she proved me wrong. The guilt I still felt about her mother washed away as she said that. I knew this was how it was supposed to be.

"But I'm gonna help you," she said, reminding me of myself for a moment.

"Fine," I replied, leaning back in my chair.

"I know it's dangerous and you think I can't handle myself but- fine?" she asked, baffled as I forced a grin.

"That's what I said. But you have to stay close to me," I agreed, unloading the few rules I had.

I got up from the table as I searched the semi-opened drawers for a knife. I snatched two black handled steak knives from the drawer, holding one out to her before sticking the other one in the inside of my boot. "Tuck it inside your belt," I instructed, watching her fiddle with her clothes before fastening it in so it wouldn't fall out. I took a seat in front of her once more, pulling the canned food we had left sitting to me before eating a small bit of it.

"We can leave tomorrow morning," I said, taking another spoon full into my mouth as she watched me. I glanced sidelong at her awkwardly as she sat there. "What?" I asked, my mouth full of food before I swallowed when she spoke. "We should get what we can, and move on."

"You wanna leave?" she asked, and I nodded as she took hold of her own can.

"The others are probably near by. If we wait much longer, we could miss them," I said, a part of me wanting to leave right this second rather than taking the chance of getting behind them. I wasn't sure if what I said was true, but Daryl did say to go through the woods. Maybe some of them had gotten out like we did that weren't on the bus. If so, they had to be close to us.

"You think we'll find them?" she asked again, staring at the wood of the table before glancing at me.

"We'll find them," I answered, giving her a faint smile as we finished dinner.

* * *

><p><strong>If you can hold on<br>If you can hold on, hold on **

**Another head aches, another heart breaks  
>I am so much older than I can take<br>And my affection, well it comes and goes  
>I need direction to perfection, no no no no <strong>

**Over and again, last call for sin  
>While everyone's lost, the battle is won<br>With all these things that I've done  
>All these things that I've done <strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Human**

* * *

><p>"That's all of it," I said, zipping up the remainder of the food from the convenience store into a large duffle bag we had found. Abby was still weak, and I didn't want the duffle to weigh her down, but she said she could carry it. We circled around the shop, double-checking for supplies before we made our leave. She followed me down the road, away from the store and small neighborhood we had held up in.<p>

"How much further?" Abby said, out of breath as she hurried to walk along side me.

"The neighborhood doesn't go on much longer," I replied, pulling my backpack to my chest before yanking out a water bottle. "Here," I said, handing it to her. She took it as we continued walking, looking for the next turning point on the road.

After about half an hour we came to a stop, a railroad crossing not much further up ahead from us. I clutched the straps of my backpack that ached my shoulders as we came close to the poles, both of us puzzled at what we found. Above our heads was a cardboard sign, reading "Sanctuary for all, community for all. Those who arrive, survive." I stared up at it as the sun got in my line of vision, momentarily blinding me. Below that sign was a map, trails all leading together to a pinpointed location. Marked with a black star was a scribbled in 'Terminus'. I gazed at the signs for a minute before huffing, turning back to the road I faced. I began to walk ahead before I realized Abby wasn't following.

"Let's move," I said, watching her stare at the signs as she passed her fingers over the map.

"We should go," Abby said, her eyes lighting up as she spoke to me. I furrowed my eyebrows at her, my mouth turning into a frown. "Who knows, maybe it's safe."

"How can you say that?" I asked, watching the light leave her eyes. "After the prison?!" I yelled, looking around us to see we were still alone.

"What if they went to Terminus?" Abby argued, a point worth looking into before I shot it down.

"I'm not taking the chance," I said, hoping that would end our feud before she started up again.

"If they were out here, maybe they saw this sign!"

"They would regroup!" I yelled back, my attention turning to the train tracks at our sides as walkers began to stumble out of the woods. I dropped my backpack on the road, unsheathing my knife to speed things up. I counted at least three that had heard us; maybe more were near-by. One was down now, as another lunged at my side. I pushed it away from me as it fell to the ground. It only took me a second to get myself together, but by that point it had stopped moving. Abby stood up, wiping the blood of her steak knife on her shirt.

"Move!" I yelled. The last one was on her faster than she could react, and I ran to her, taking the walker by the back of its shirt before pulling it off of her, causing the both of us to fall back onto the ground. I pushed it away from my face long enough for Abby to kill it. She lifted it off of me before holding out her hand to help me up.

"Thanks," I mumbled, checking the area before grabbing my backpack from the ground.

"Are you okay?" she asked as I began to leave the area.

"I'm fine, lets just go," I replied, losing day light to find the others. We were running out of precious time. If we didn't pick up our pace, we could be left behind. And I had no intention of being left behind. I didn't have another year scavenging in me, I just didn't.

"Brooke," Abby said, clutching my arm as if I would vanish unless she took hold of me. "Brooke I'm not like you. I can't do this forever. I can't move place to place like you, I just can't. Please, lets just go."

I pulled myself from her, looking her dead in the eyes. Why did she think I could do this? I definitely couldn't, not forever. I could survive alone, but after the prison, I didn't _want _to survive alone. I wanted everyone back, _everyone. _I was sure we would find them, we had to. They were close; I was so sure they were close to us.

"Please."

I sighed, holding my forehead as I took her offer into consideration. It was true that the group could be at Terminus, but only to find the other survivors. They wouldn't stay, would they? I knew I wouldn't, not after the prison and the Governor. I knew no place was safe anymore; the prison was a good example of that. Even if Terminus were safe for now, how long would that last? My guess wasn't long, but something made me consider it.

"Fine, we'll go… but only to check the place out."

"Really?" she asked, smiling wide before hugging me. It was brief, and in that moment I hoped Abby was right. About this place being a sanctuary. "We should be there sometime tomorrow if we follow those tracks. She nodded quickly, regaining composer as she followed me side by side into the woods and onto the railroad.

* * *

><p>"What do you think the people are like?" she asked, sounding much too eager for my liking. Abby wasn't like me; she still held onto some sort of safe haven though none was sure to exist. I wanted a safe place just as much as the next person, but reality hit hard, and when it did, you couldn't just go back.<p>

"I guess we'll find out," I replied, staring up at the rising sun. We had camped out in the woods that night. I stayed on watch most of the night, and I could feel the tiredness settling in. I hadn't slept in over a day, adrenaline seeming to be the one thing keeping me going. I had responsibility put on my shoulders, and I expected myself to keep the two of us safe. If losing sleep was the price, so be it.

"How much further, do you think?"

"Maybe thirty minutes… listen," I stopped, wanting her full attention.

"What is it?"

"I want you to stay close to me. We don't know these people, and we don't know what they've done. I just want to make sure you understand this isn't going to be a field trip. We need to be alert and ready, for anything."

"I know," she replied with a smile. It made me question her real thoughts; I just didn't know how she remained smiling even after what we'd encountered in such sort time. "We can go when you think we should."

She kept walking ahead now, holding the duffle close to her that held a good amount of food for us. She still kept her old self inside; I could see it now as she walked. And she talked to me like I wasn't her age, like I was a leader. She followed my judgment, and listened to me more now than ever. This was why I couldn't be alone with her; it only brought out memories I longed to forget. All I saw anymore was my sister; she lived through Abby, and no matter how much I tried to leave her memory be, it followed me like a ghost. I still held onto so much guilt for what happened to her, but it was impossible to let go of. My mind wandered far for a few minutes, until something caught my attention. I stopped in my tracks, signaling for Abby to stay still as I listened to the calm woods.

"Did you hear that?" I asked, looking up at the sky as clouds passed over in slow dragged out lines.

"What-"

"Gunfire," I said, turning my head to pinpoint the location of the noise. Yet another sign lay up ahead of the tracks, informing us that Terminus was close by. "What would they be firing at?"

"Maybe walkers?" she asked, thinking of an answer that seemed most logical.

"Or people," I replied, frowning. "We should check it out before we go inside," I settled, my decision seeming to be fine with her as she nodded at me. We decided to head toward the shots ringing throughout the wooded area, weary of walkers soon to follow us. After a few minutes, we came to a clearing.

"There!" she said, pointing toward fences up just past the last tree.

We made our way up the leaf-covered hill, taking hold of the fences with both hands as we looked down at the area contained by chain-linked wire. The place looked really strange to me, what looked to be train cars stacked on one another. Warehouses were bunched together, making a huge base across the area. I pulled Abby by her shoulder down to the ground, the both of us hiding near the dirt as four men approached one of the box cars. All of them were yelling and marching, armed to the teeth with machine guns. Abby's breath was heavy as she clutched onto my sleeve, the two of us watching with wide eyes at the scene before us.

"Put your backs to the walls at either end of the car! Now!" a man yelled, the tops of the boxcar being lifted up slowly by man labor and pulley systems. One of the men threw in what looked like some sort of grenade, a blast following seconds later. Abby burrowed her head into my arm, while I seemed stuck looking at the men opening the train car. They disappeared into the car, continuing to yell before emerging with people. I counted four men that they dropped to the ground, restraining them before lifting them up from the concrete. My heart stopped completely as my eyes caught sight of Rick. Then Daryl, Glenn, and finally Bob. Two men drug them at each side as they thrashed around, looking dazed as they were carried away and into one of the buildings. I shot up from the ground, reaching behind me to grab the handle of my gun before Abby stopped me.

"We have to get out of here!" she said, her eyes wide and full of panic. "Brooke!"

"They're trapped in there!" I yelled back, my ears perking up at the sound of twigs snapping.

My head swung to the side, the air sucking into my lungs as I hurriedly observed the area. I couldn't leave Abby out here to go into Terminus, but I couldn't just leave everyone there. Who knows what these people could be doing to them, or why they had everyone trapped in boxcars. So many questions, but I was stuck. I gazed down at the train car, hoping that everyone in there was safe. I just needed for them to be safe, but I needed for us to be safe as well.

"Walkers!" Abby shrieked in a whisper, her hands reaching for a knife in her belt.

"They're everywhere," I said to myself, as the dead came through the woods, walking right past us without a second look. They wandered into the clearing of the gate to Terminus, the living people fleeing as a herd came their way. More walkers continued to flood out of the woods, some coming to realize we were close by as they took a whiff of the air. I tore my eyes from Terminus before yet another few shots rang out. The walkers that had started toward us lost interest right after, continuing to follow the others to the gate. A huge cloud of fire exploded on the other side of Terminus, making the ground shake as fire caught in my eyes. I brought my forearm to my face as an effort to shield myself from the flames too far from touching us, reflex I had come to have over time.

The blast was very loud, catching fire to one of the warehouses as the place began to go up in flames. Abby let go of me, running back into the woods after the blast was over. "Abby! Where are you going?!" I screamed, my heart pounding as she vanished into the trees. I ran after her, leaving Terminus behind. "Abby!" I screamed again, looking around the wooded area. A loud, curdling shriek covered my area, my eyes wide as ever as I began to panic.

"Where are you?!" I yelled, following the continuing screams for almost a minute. "Abby!"

I brought my pistol up into the air, pulse quickening as my hands shook. I tried to calm myself before aiming at one of the walkers stumbling to her, pulling the trigger. It flung back slightly as I hit its shoulder, shooting it once more in the head, its head swinging backward as it fell to the ground. I held onto the gun as I ran to her, my other hand taking hold of my knife with no time to spare. Walkers had completely surrounded us in a sort of circle, corning us into each other's backs as we stared ahead of us. I dropped my gun, killing each walker with my hunting knife with precise aim until my area was cleared. I spun around to stay at Abby's side as I ran on adrenaline, the two of us taking only a minute or two to finally clear the area.

I turned to her as I wiped my face, taking hold of her shoulders. "Are you insane?! Running off like that?!" I screamed, shaking her sternly. She had run off just like Summer did, out of fear. The only difference was, Abby had made it out alive this time.

"I'm sorry I just got scared and I-" she started, wiping her eyes with her palm as she began to cry.

"Are you okay? Were you bit, scratched?" I asked, observing her to find no bite marks.

"N- no I'm fine," she sobbed, before I enveloped her into my arms. I breathe in relief, squeezing her tightly before letting her go. Behind us, gunshots still were being unloaded, but I tried not to think of that at the moment.

"Don't ever do that again, you scared the shit out of me," I said, stepping back from her to retrieve my gun. She still looked very shaken up, telling me she was sorry as I continued to tell her it was fine. "Let's get out of here, it's not safe."

We moved quickly, set on relocating our group. I knew some of them had to have gotten out, with all of that gunfire. Some of them _had_ to have escaped. They escaped the prison, so there's no way they all died inside Terminus. As we trudged over the dead leaves on the ground, I heard the sound of people talking. My heart sped up as Abby and I looked at each other, silently agreeing that we had found the others, and to take a chance at revealing ourselves. She stepped out of the woods first, and I could hear her gasp as I took a few steps forward. I held onto my gun, ready to fire if we had made the wrong choice before I stepped out of the woods. I looked ahead of me, full of uncertainty before I saw the other survivors. There were some I hadn't seen before, most of them holding guns in both hands as they watched the area.

"Hey!" one woman yelled at me, one I didn't recognize.

Most everyone's attention turned to Abby and I as we walked toward them, looking somewhat shocked to see us alive. I didn't bother to pay her attention as I counted everyone that was before us. They were all here; they looked beaten up, but they were alive, and that was enough. I walked to them before it quickly turned into a sprint. I felt so overwhelmed as I began to cry, but it couldn't have been any better. I wiped at my lashes, feeling so relieved to be back where I belonged.

* * *

><p><strong>We are a recycled youth<strong>  
><strong>Paper thin, this is fragile<strong>  
><strong>Young and malleable, we shape shift<strong>

**Ebbing and syncopating into the souls we've come to know in our lives**  
><strong>Fast sleepers and daylight dreamers<strong>

**Nothing is set in stone, fear the unknown **  
><strong>And embrace the long gone lovers Who have for all you've known <strong>**Tasted black liquorish**


	5. Chapter 5

**Human**

* * *

><p>Rick was the first to turn around, Judith cradled in his arms, alive and well. I laughed to myself as I looked over all of their faces, my legs seeming to move by themselves without thought. Everything felt like it was okay again as I caught Carl's eyes. I broke out into a wide smile as I brought the palm of my left hand up to wipe my eyes that had started to water. I accepted a sudden hug from him, my fingers grabbing material of his flannel as I laughed into his shoulder, just happy to see he was alive. I knew I would find them, but for it to actually happen; it was much more comforting. He gave me a small squeeze before I pulled away, my body warm as everyone I had come to care for started to herd in.<p>

"We have food, but I don't think it'll last very long," I said in an unsteady voice, bidding myself not to cry. Abby stood behind me wearing a grin, the both of us filing into place just as easily as we had broken away.

"Thank you," Rick replied, surprising me for a moment before I returned it with a smile. I felt at home again. He looked behind us at the cloud of smoke continuing to rise above the tree line. "I don't know if the fire's still burnin'."

"It is," Carol replied, my eyes fixed on the smoke.

"Yeah, we need to go," Rick said.

"Yeah but where?" Daryl asked, taking my attention from Judith, who was being cooed over by Michonne and Abby. At the stop of sudden attention, Judtih began to whine.

"Somewhere far away from there," Rick answered, turning from the trees back to us. Everyone started to file together in a massive bunch, ready to leave Terminus far behind.

We exited into the woods after following the tracks for a few minutes, Maggie and Glenn leading the way. An hour had to of passed when we finally slowed down, the largely built man with bright red hair in front. He shrugged a large navy blue duffle onto the ground before finding a spot to rest. Everyone seemed to split off into their own desired spots, Abby learning from the unnamed man. She too dropped the duffle full of food onto the ground before leaning against it, tired and longing for sleep. I watched the others take a seat on the leaf-covered floor as Abby took advantage of our break to close her eyes, Judith beginning to fuss afterward.

"I have formula," I said, dropping my backpack before retrieving one of the half empty containers. I held it out like it was some sort of peace offering.

"There's a bottle in Carol's bag," Carl replied, as I looked over my shoulder.

I walked to it on my knees, the bag sitting comfortably next to him. I yanked it open, searching for the bottle until I found one, holding a hand out to ask for the formula. I unscrewed the bottle cap before turning back to my backpack. Carl had already found a water bottle I needed, and I took it without thought, pouring about half way up to the top of the baby bottle. I set it aside as I pried open the plastic lid on the formula, measuring two small scoops to mix with the water. I shook it for a few minutes before holding it out for him to take.

Rick walked over, crouching down as Judith took the bottle into both hands eagerly. He glanced at her, and then at me before nodding to himself, getting up a moment later. I watched him go silently before I turned back to Judith who was now guzzling the mixture. Carl held the bottom of the bottle, eyes focused on his sister while mine were focused on the two deep scratches drawn down his cheek. It felt like I stared at it forever until our break was cut short. We needed to keep moving, to fid shelter for a while.

* * *

><p>The sun was bright and hot the next day, the coverage we had provided by some trees around us. We walked in a sort of jumbled line, weapons ready. It had everyone in the group alert and ready, incase someone was out here with us. It was better to be safe and secure than unprepared, even if we looked out of it. I held my gun, trigger finger resting on the barrel. I swung my head to the side, as did most of the others at the sound of nearing footsteps, instinctively bringing my pistol up to aim. Daryl came out from behind a tree, making me sigh before lowering the gun.<p>

"We surrender," he said, holding his hands up, a few squirrels he had been out hunting in tow.

Carl picked up the bag he had dropped as we continued moving along, following Rick and Daryl through the woods, not sure where we were headed. I kept my eyes on my feet as we trudged forward, my backpack beginning to ache my shoulders as it slung into my back slightly as I took a step. One hand held the strap while the other held the gun, glancing at Abby who seemed very worn out. She had slept only a bit the night before, and I knew pretty soon she'd want to rest.

"Help! Anybody help!"

Everyone stopped abruptly, my heart picking up speed at the sound of someone's voice. I swallowed before looking to Rick for an answer.

"Dad, come on!" Carl said, gesturing for Rick to follow him in a desperate manner. I knew he wanted to help, but you could never be sure any more. At the sound of the person's voice, a part of me wanted to run to them, but I couldn't let myself. The more frantic Carl got, the more I wanted to take off. "Come on, come on!"

Rick gritted his teeth before giving us the okay, Carl being the first one to take off. I ran after him as fast as my feet would allow, the bunch of us racing toward the noise. The person's screams got louder as we ran through the woods, a shot going off. I glanced to my left to see Carl had drawn his gun, walkers surrounding what looked like a huge boulder. I reached for my knife, jogging up to one that had its back turned before stabbing it through the back of the head. I backed up after that, unsure of how many dead were around. It didn't take us long to kill what was around the rock, the woods becoming more silent now. I looked above the rock at a man dressed in black, his whole body shaking as his lip quivered.

"Come on down," Rick said, the man seeming unsure, frightened not only of the walkers, but of us. He slid down the boulder's side slowly, planting both feet on the ground with trembling legs. His outfit looked like something a priest would wear, but I couldn't be bothered to remember as I surveyed the area once more.

"You okay?" Rick asked, the man holding up a finger before bending down, throwing up whatever was in his stomach. I turned my head to the side as he continued; obviously he was more than scared.

"Sorry," he murmured as I turned my head back to face him. "Yes, thank you," he spoke, dusting his jacket off. "I'm Gabriel."

"Do you have any weapons on you?" Rick asked, followed by a laugh from Gabriel. He looked around him in nervousness as I furrowed my eyebrows, his whole demeanor making me uneasy.

"Do I look like I would have any weapons?"

"We don't give two short and curlies what it looks like."

I glared at Gabriel; no one here was in the business of messing around. We didn't have time to waste, especially if he wanted to shrug off our questions. I didn't trust him, and maybe that was best.

"I have no weapons of any kind. The word of God is the only protection I need," he spoke. I averted my eyes from him, knowing he couldn't possibly have seen what we had. If he had, he wouldn't walk around weaponless. There was something about him that was off-putting, and I didn't want to find out what.

"Sure didn't look like it," Daryl spoke my mind.

Gabriel gave him a grin, "I called for help, help came." He looked at our faces, holding eye contact with me for a second before moving to another person. "Do you… have any food? W-what ever I had left, its just hit the ground."

"We've got some pecans," Carl offered, holding a few out to him. Gabriel took them with kindness, and I looked at Carl like he was crazy. I didn't understand why he offered the man anything, when no one else seemed to bother. Judith cooed in Tyreese's arms, catching Gabriel's attention.

"That's a beautiful child," he said, complimenting though it did him no good. Rick held eye contact with him, unwavering. "Do you have a camp?" he asked, changing the subject as Rick's eyes dug into him.

"No," Rick answered quickly. I looked behind me at Abby who was watching the man with uncertainty, like if she got too close something might happen. "Do you?"

I narrowed my eyes on Gabriel, as he seemed to fight with himself, like he wasn't willing to help us, though we had just saved him. "I have a church."

"Hold your hands above your head," Rick said, waving his hand as if he was tired of the going back and forth. It was a side he hadn't shown me, but I understood it. Gabriel did as he was told before Rick patted him down, not believing he had no weapons until he turned up empty.

"How many walkers have you killed?" he asked as he did so, the questions ringing a bell in the back of my memory.

"Not any actually-" Gabriel answered uncomfortably before Rick cut him short.

"Turn around." Again, he did as he was told. "How many people have you killed?" he questioned, the question speeding up my heart for a moment. Gabriel shook his head like he was disturbed, turning back around to face us now.

"None," he answered.

"Why?" Rick asked finally, his voice stern.

"Because the Lord arbores violence."

Rick still wasn't certain, leaning in close. "What have you done?" he asked as I glanced at Carl, as he seemed to hold the same questioning look I did. "We've all done somethin'."

"I'm a sinner. I sin almost every day. But those sins, I confess them to God, not strangers."

"You said you had a church?" Michonne spoke up. Gabriel nodded, not really having a choice but to lead us to it. Rick stared at him as he eyed the ground, telling us to follow him. I stayed next to Abby and Carl as we walked through the woods, the trees giving perfect shade from the hot sun. Rick was ahead of us, machine gun in hand as if he was patrolling the pathway.

"Hey, earlier, were you watching us?" Rick asked.

He turned back to look at us, pace fast like he wanted to never step foot outside again. Rick's question made me uneasy, but I kept a positive mind. It was the last resort; I needed to hope for the best. If anything happened, we could take care of it. We were strong.

"I keep to myself. Nowadays, people are just as dangerous as the dead, don't you think?" Gabriel asked. I silently agreed; people were still humans, but they didn't really keep their humanity. If you were lucky, you still had some left now, but only if you were lucky.

"No, people are worse," Daryl replied, causing me to look up ahead.

"Well, I haven't been watching you. I haven't been beyond the stream near my church more than a few times since this all started. This was the furthest I've gone before today," Gabriel explained, talking fast as he looked back at Rick and Daryl. We were moving a lot faster now.

"Well maybe I'm lying," Gabriel said suddenly, catching my attention. "Maybe I'm lying about everything and there's no church at all. Maybe I'm leading you into a trap so I can steal all your squirrels," he finished, laughing as he continued walking. I stopped walking, glaring at him as the rest of the group slowed down. Gabriel turned to look at Rick as Daryl walked past him, everyone unable to trust him.

"Members of my flock had often told me that my sense of humor, is much to be desired," he stumbled on his words quickly, though I didn't buy it. I didn't think Gabriel was a threat, but I never knew for certain any more.

"Yeah, it does," Daryl replied, as we kept moving, much slower now. Up ahead past the trees was a clearing, sunlight flooding through the leaves. We picked up our pace as a small church came into view, offering some relief. Carl walked ahead of Abby and I, Carol's bag around his shoulders as he carried Judith. A small fence wrapped around the churches yard, the area free of walkers. Birds sang in the trees, making the place oddly peaceful. Gabriel started up the steps to open the doors, before Rick stopped him.

"Hold up, can we take a look around first? We just wanna hold onto our squirrels," Rick said, holding out a hand for the key. Gabriel handed it over without hesitation, and we headed inside, guns raised just incase.

The double doors squeaked as they swung open, Rick and Daryl marching ahead to scope out the church. Most of us stayed outside, impatiently waiting for the clear. I kept my eyes on Gabriel as he held his arms in front of his chest, trying to figure out what he was.

"I spent months here without stepping out the front door. If you found someone inside, well, I'd be surprised," Gabriel spoke up as Rick exited the church, Daryl, Michonne, Carol, and Glenn following after him.

"Thanks for this," Carl said, looking up at the church as the sun beat down on our heads.

"We found a short bus out back. It don't run, but I bet we could fix that in a day or two," the red headed guy spoke. "Father here says he doesn't want it."

I watched Judith as she gaped at me, listening to him talk. "Looks like we found ourselves some transport. You realize what's at stake here, right?"

"Yes I do," Rick responded.

"Now that we can take a breath?" Michonne asked.

"Now that we can take a breath we slow down; shit inevitably goes down," he argued. I watched Judith as I listened, wanting myself just to take a break. But he had a point; he was right, even if I didn't like it.

"We need supplies, no matter what we do next," Michonne shot back, making me smile to myself. She was right, too. Our food was low as it was, and we desperately needed to restock.

"That's right, water, food, ammunition," Rick said as he took a step. He walked of the stairs to enter the church, Carl, Abby, and I following, Michonne directly behind me. Abby sighed, grinning at me as she laid the duffle on one of pews. I chose my own spot, finally able to pull the heavy backpack off of my shoulders. Everyone was starting to settle now, the church dark and quiet, but good enough.

* * *

><p>There were a few small rooms in the back of the church; the one on the other side was locked. Abby was sitting on the floor, her eyes drooping as she tried to fight the sleep washing over her. I didn't know how exactly I was still awake, but I was more alert than ever. Rick, Sasha, Bob, and a few others were going to go on a run. I zipped up the duffle I had checked over a few moments ago, checking Judith who was sleeping as well in a makeshift crib. Abby, Tyreese, Carl and I were staying behind to watch Judith and the church until they got back. I sighed, taking a seat next to the crib incase Judith woke up as I crossed my arms, wrapping the jacket around myself like it was a blanket before I too closed my eyes, hoping I'd sleep.<p>

I woke up slowly at the feel of being shaken, opening my eyes one at a time, wishing I could just sleep for a while longer. "What is it? Is Judith up?" I asked, rubbing my eyes in the dark room.

"They're back. We have food ready," Carl said. I focused my eyes on him as they grew accustomed to the lighting, stretching before he helped me up. Surprisingly, Judith hadn't woken me up; she must have been as tired as I was. We walked out of the back room, the church covered in flickering candle-light, the atmosphere warm and comforting as I crossed my arms around myself. There was a small line to get food, plated being handed out. Carl handed one to me, and I thanked him softly as I stared at my feet, waiting for the line to move. The room was filled with chatter and laughter, making me grin in my drowsy state. I honestly never thought I'd hear this much laughter again, but I was wrong. Even without the prison, we were still the same.

We didn't need a safe place; we just needed _each other. _

I spooned a few canned vegetables onto my plate as I moved along the table piled with food. I also took a piece of squirrel someone had cooked before leaving the line to take a seat. Abby walked over next to Carl and I, sitting down next to me as she began to eat. I smiled at her as she looked up at me, a small laugh making its way past her lips as a spoon hung out her mouth. I looked down at my own food before someone spoke up.

"I'd like to propose a toast. I look around this room, and I see survivors," the red headed man started. "Each and everyone of you has earned that title. To the survivors," he said, raising his glass to us. Some people joined in, while I continued to sit and wait. "Is that all you wanna be?"

The room grew quiet now as we listened to him speak. "Wake up in the morning, fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night, two eyes open, rinse and repeat?" A part of me answered yes, because I knew that's what kept me alive. But that wasn't all I wanted. I still wanted to live, but that was getting harder to do. "Cause you can do that. I mean you got the strength; you got the skill. Thing is, for you people, for what you can do, all that's just surrender."

Now he had my attention, though I didn't understand what his point was. It wasn't like we had a choice. We came close to living at the prison, but everything ends.

"Now we get Eugene to Washington and he will make the dead die and the living will have this world again and that is not a bad take away for a little road trip." His voice was strong, for a second I almost bought into it. But it sounded too good to be true, like most things. "Eugene, what's in D.C?"

"Info structure constructed to withstand pandemics even of this fubar magnitude," the other nameless man spoke up, as I turned my head to stare at him. "That means food, fuel, refuge, restart."

"However this plays out, however long this take for the reset button to kick in, you can be safe there. It's everything you've been since this whole thing started. Come with us; save the world for that little one… save it for yourselves… save it for the people out there who aint got nothing left to do except survive."

Everything was quiet as we took in what he had said. It was a leap of faith, that was for sure. Rick laughed to himself as Judith murmured to him. "What was that?" he asked her, making me smile as a few laughed. "I think she knows what I'm about to say. She's in; if she's in I'm in," Rick said, looking at Tyreese and then back at her. "We're in," he said, causing a few to cheer. If they were in, then so was I. I wasn't splitting up again; this was my family.

* * *

><p>Most everyone was asleep now as the candles started t melt away, the light dim and wavering as the quiet sunk in. I looked at Abby as she slept on one of the pews, curled into a ball, the place she chose to sleep not bothering her in the least. I smiled, taking the man's offer into consideration. Maybe there was still hope. I felt dumb for thinking it, but I had to try. If we didn't have hope, what was the point in going on living? I smiled to myself as I held onto the picture frame, careful to not wake anyone as I took a seat in one of the pews near the back of the church.<p>

"Hey," I said, getting Carl's attention. He looked over at me as I smiled. "I have something for you."

I held out the frame, as he hesitated to take it. Eventually, though, he did take it, his eyes fixed on the glass as it showed his reflection. He stared at it for the longest time before lifting his head to look at me.

"Where'd you get this?" he asked, like he didn't believe I had it.

"It was in one of the bags at the prison and I just took it. I didn't even-" I started, stopping mid sentence as he enveloped me in a hug. I wasn't expecting it, but I welcomed it anyway. "It's yours, I just wanted to give it back to you."

I returned the affection before distancing myself, smile soft but wide as he gazed at the picture. I knew it meant a lot to him, and so I returned it. I thought he might need it. "Thank you," he said, not taking his eyes from the frame. "You didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to, I thought you might want it back," I replied, earning a grin from him as he looked up at me.

"I thought it was gone," he said. He paused for a moment as I stared at my lap, the silence not uncomfortable, but comforting. "I thought you were gone."

At that I glanced back up, trying and ward off those thoughts. "I'll be around," I replied, offering a smile. What I said was what I thought; I'd stay alive, I had to.

* * *

><p><strong>You are the hole in my head<strong>  
><strong>You are the space in my bed<strong>  
><strong>You are the silence in between<strong>  
><strong>What I thought and what I said<strong>

**You are the night time fear**  
><strong>You are the morning when it's clear<strong>  
><strong>When it's over you're the start<strong>  
><strong>You're my head, you're my heart<strong>

**And I'd do anything to make you stay**  
><strong>No light, no light<strong>  
><strong>No light<strong>  
><strong>Tell me what you want me to say<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Human**

**A/N~ I'm so sorry for disappearing for a lil while! This was not my intention, but alas, I did it anyway. Finals are coming up very soon, and it turns out I'm failing Geometry hahaha oops. I'm working hard to get my grades up, as well as clean our house so we can sell it. I've been very busy lately, so it was easy to leave fanfiction for a while. As you all know, I tend to do this a LOT; but I'll always eventually update! All right, as some have requested 'fluff' (which will eventually occur. Yes I've confirmed it), lets see my pathetic attempt to give you all just a smidge of that okay? Hope you enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

><p>"<em>Have you seen Bob?"<em>

I knew as soon as Sasha said that something was wrong. Call it my anxiety or better judgment, even the smallest tinge of fear if you will, but I _knew_. It seemed every time something went right, the bad was soon to follow. It had happened when Summer and I escaped Atlanta. Then again, when Daryl and Michonne retrieved our medicine. And now, as I looked into Abby's eyes, almost appearing black as they gazed my way, fogged with sleep. A feeling of inescapable doom made its home in the pit of my stomach, mulling over every possible thing that could go wrong. It had been almost half an hour since Rick, Sasha, and Tyreese went out to search. To top it off, Daryl and Carol had suddenly gone missing. It wasn't even daylight yet, and we had three missing. With so many gone, and another three out to scout the area, it left our core weak. Strength was found in numbers, not in a hiding place.

"They'll be back," I said lowly, stealing a glance at Carl who was bent so far over himself one would think he was permanently stuck in that position. His hands were clasped together in a nervous manner as we waited impatiently for the others to return with good news. Any news would do at this point.

"I know," he replied, eyes never leaving the floor.

I knew that as well, but what else could I say? 'Don't worry'? No, I couldn't tell him that; I'd be lying if I told him not to, and I found it hard to lie to him. After that we continued to sit in silence, the candles flickering softly in the corners of the church. Waiting. It is the worst kind of torture I've ever known.

The loud sound of doors busting open makes me jump slightly, but only enough for me to take notice. Rick, Sasha, and Tyreese each marched in without evidence of finding Bob or the others, and my stomach dropped further; I didn't think it possible. Creaking followed as the doors were shut once more, and Carl and I both turned around in our seats to catch their eyes. Sasha was walking heavily with purpose to the front of the church, and Gabriel backed up at her close proximity.

"Stop," she said exasperatedly, and not only Gabriel, but I grew confused as well. "What are you doing?"

Rick was next to walk up to her, all of them eying Gabriel like he was some sort of prey.

"This is all connected," she continued. "You show up; we're being watched. And now three of us are gone."

Gabriel looked 'round the room like he was silently pleading, but I could do nothing but listen as Sasha pointed fingers. I didn't trust Gabriel, but it didn't make sense to me that he would so much as think of targeting us.

"I- I don't… I don't have anything to do with this," Gabriel defended himself, almost speechless.

Sasha drew a knife, and that's when Rosita lunged, caught only in time to not pry it from the other's hands. The air was getting thick as my pulse quickened. Violence was all around me; it never went away. It was inescapable, like a black hole that would eventually take all of our light.

"Who's out there?" Sasha questioned, voice lathered in heartbreak. Gabriel could only begin to defend before she asked again, "Where are our people?"

"I don't-" he started before she cut him off with a pleading scream, demanding he tell her something I wasn't sure he even knew.

"Where are our people?!"

"Please, I don't have anything to do with this."

Rick pulled her aside, and again I stole a glance at Carl who had his head turned slightly from me, watching the scene unfold with as much anxious anticipation as the rest of us. It felt like I couldn't breathe as Sasha's scream echoed in my head, and my throat felt constricted as my eyes darted from Carl to Abby who was behind me, quickly wavering under her fearful gaze only to rest back on Rick.

"Why'd you bring us here?" Rick asked. Gabriel had his hands up in surrender, but I couldn't bring myself to pity him. "You workin' with someone?"

"I'm alone. I was always alone," Gabriel replied hastily.

"What about the one in the food bank Gabriel? What'd you do to her?" Rick said.

At this, I felt Abby's palm clutch my shoulder, but I couldn't move as I willed myself to wait it out. Even the slightest thought of Gabriel betraying people who saved him made me want to bolt for the doors. But I couldn't; I _wouldn't _run anymore.

"'You'll burn for this'? That was for you, why? What are you gonna burn for, Gabriel? What?!" Rick questioned sternly, lunging at the priest to catch his suit between bawled fists.

I know I flinched. I felt it, but I didn't think anyone noticed. My eyes peeled themselves from Rick to Carl who had now turned his head to look at me for only a moment, but I caught the motion. I hid what I was feeling, thinking, inside to keep my face hard as stone. My whole body was completely stiff as I kept my eyes on his. I could hear them yelling. I pushed the small amount of fear down, and blinked the sting from my eyes where I had forgotten to blink. My lips were cracked and dry when I wetted them, only averting my eyes to avoid Carl's.

"I lock the doors at night. I always lock the doors at night- I alwayslockthedoorsatnight," Gabriel repeated, words running together so fast it made my head ache. "They started coming, my congregation. Atlanta was bombed the night before and they were scared. They were- they were looking for a safe place; a place where they felt _safe…_ And it was so early- so early, and the doors were still locked…"

"You see… it was my choice. But there were so many of them… men they were, trying to pry the shutters and banging on the sides, screaming at me. And so, the dead came for them… Women, children…Entire families calling my name as they were torn apart, begging me for mercy," he said, crying as he choked out a few words at a time. I bowed my head as my mouth curled into a frown, wishing I could just shut out what he was admitting.

"Damning me to Hell… I buried their bones; I buried it all." It was silent for a moment before he began talking once more. "The Lord sent you here to finally punish me."

I looked up at this, my eyes wide as they centered on the priest. He knelt down in front of Rick, expecting us to tear him apart like rabid wolves, and under different circumstances, we might have. He looked up with hopeless eyes at Rick, clutching his hands together as he continued to cry.

"I'm damned. I was damned before. I always locked the doors, I always locked the doors," he confessed to an unhearing crowd, voice echoing through the church, striking a heavy blow on a good lot of us. We had all done horrible things, and maybe it was best to keep them secret. I swallowed the lump in my throat from just thinking about it as Glenn marched to one of the windows, body thawing as he spoke for all of us to hear.

"There's someone outside lying in the grass!"

I shot up as some ran outside without much thought, fingers picking at each other at my sides as I waited. Gunshots were a sweet sound to my ears as they carried a body back inside, rushing to close the doors. They rested him on the floor as my eyes widened ever so slightly. Bob was lying, slightly awake, a leg missing and in place of it, bloody gauze wrapped over a stump. Abby covered her mouth as she took in the sight, most of us herding around him to find out the best source of action. He began to come to, sitting up slightly as he grimaced, taking in the sight of our group. I ignored every question that came to mind and waited for him to speak.

"What happened to you?" Sasha choked out.

"I was in a grave yard. Then they knocked me out. I woke up outside this place," he said with uneven breaths and a shaking voice. "It looked like a- a school. It was that guy, Gareth, and five other ones. They were eating my leg right in front of me; it's like it was nothin'… all proud, like they had it all figured out."

This information made my blood run cold. It had to be the people from Terminus; they had been watching us for days.

"Did they have Daryl and Carol?" Rick asked Bob.

"Gareth said they drove off," he replied, his breathing quick; he looked like he was in shock as his eyes squinted to remain in focus. He grunted as he tried to move, and Sasha and Maggie helped to lift him off the hard floor slightly.

"He's in pain. Do we have anything?" Sasha asked.

I knew I didn't have any medicine; and I looked to Rosita and Eugene. "I think there are pill packets in the first aid kit," she replied, ready to get up.

"Save 'em," Bob spoke out, making me turn back to him in confusion. He was part of our group; we had to help him!

"No!"

"Really!" he said back, sitting up, and for the third time in that night, my heart slowed, almost to a stop as I realized. It was too late. He pulled back his shirt to reveal what I had only now figured out. I turned away as I caught sight of it. We were losing so many people already…

"It happened at the food bank," he said softly, and it felt like my heart was dropping rapidly, unable to stop it. Why couldn't you save anybody?

"There's a sofa in my office. I know its not much but," Gabriel offered.

"Thank you."

"I got him," Tyreese said as we moved out of the way. I walked back to the pew Judith was lying in a basket on as she started to fuss. I offered to help feed her or change her as Carl picked up the basket by the handles, accepting my offer with a nod. I motioned for Abby to follow as we walked to the room on the left side, looking for the bottle that had been stuffed in my backpack. Abby shuffled over to the door, peeking her head out to watch as yelling started to erupt once more. I shut it out as I shook the formula and water together, my eyes on what mattered at the moment rather than splitting up and arguing. I could hear Abraham and Rick yelling, tossing remarks and threats in the air like it was supposed to be taken lightly. I tucked the bottle under my arm as I picked Judith out from the basket.

"I got it," I said quietly, not expecting them to hear as I cradled her with one arm and fed her with the other. She latched onto the bottle in an instant, her fussing stopping abruptly as her hands held onto the plastic as well as my fingers that held it. We had to work together as a group, as a family. We couldn't split up right now. We needed each other, for what ever was to come next.

* * *

><p>The room was dark and quiet as our breath filled up empty space. I glanced at Abby who was sitting beside Judith's basket, shadows swallowing her whole, the moonlight casting over only her long fingers that held the edge of what passed for a crib. I watched as Judith kicked her feet at thin air, restless, just like the rest of us. Minutes seemed to drag on forever as we waited for these people to play hide and seek. I felt as though everyone could hear my thumping heart beat; it threatened to break apart my ribs at any moment. Breaking wood from the other side of the church could be heard as I stood up with steady legs, switching the safety off of my pistol as I aimed it at the door we were held behind. Carl's gun clicked as he made sure it was ready to fire, the darkness hiding the majority of his face. Gabriel huddled in the corner, clutching a necklace between sweaty palms as he pressed its chain to his lips.<p>

"Well, I guess you know we're here," a man's voice called out. "And we know you're here," he finished, their footsteps causing the floor boars to creak. "And we're armed, so there's really no point in hiding anymore. We've been watching you. We know who's here."

I stopped my hands from shaking, eyes darting around our small fortress with only three guns. The man's voice sent a small chill down my spine, but I willed myself to snap out of it. We would be safe.

"Bob, unless you put him out of his misery already," he started up again as my face turned into a scowl. "And Eugene, Rosita. Martin's good friend Tyreese." I had to stop myself from thinking the way I was, but he was a murderer. He cared about no one; it was laced all over his voice. He said their names so freely that the air smelled foul. "Carl, Judith." He paused now, and I glanced at Carl at the same time he did to me, face unreadable in this lighting.

"Abby is it?" he asked, and I heard her take a sharp breath. She covered her ears as he kept talking, as I placed my finger pad over the trigger lightly. "Brooke? We saw you outside Terminus. I didn't have time to get my spotters on you, but here you are… Rick and the rest walked out with a lot of your guns. Listen we don't know where you all are but this isn't a big place. So lets just stop this now before things get more painful than they need to be."

I could hear them now as they approached the door, eyes unwavering and dead set on the knob that was violently shaking.

"Look, you're behind one of these two doors and we have more than enough fire power to take down both. Can't imagine that's what you all want."

His voice started to become a little more distant as he moved to the other door. "How 'bout the priest? Father you help us wrap this up and we'll let you walk away from this. Just open the door and you can go and take the baby with you. What'd you say?"

I tore my eyes from the knob to Gabriel, still curled in the corner. The silence was growing thicker by the second. It only lasted for a moment before Judith let out a cry, giving away which room we were held inside. I snapped my head to the right as Abby tried to quiet her, but it was too late as they started to gather outside the door. Carl rushed to her next and tried to get her to stop fussing. They got her to hush for only a moment before a gun was cocked on the other side of the wood.

"That's your last chance right now to tell us you're comin' out."

I kept my gun raised, looking around the room to check everyone as I heard them planning to open the door. Before they could go through with it, two silenced shots fired out, a dull ring resulting as people were shot down. I lowered the gun at this and tucked it in my belt, relief finding me. I let my shoulders slack as I listened to their conformation. Another shot and Abby's hands flew to her ears once more. I made my way to her as I knelt in front of her, talking but knowing it had no effect on her. She was blocking out the noise. People were dying and she was shutting it all out.

I placed my hands on her shoulders as I looked into her eyes, ones she desperately clamped shut at this. I could hear the men yelping in pain. There was no mercy being shown beyond that door, and for once, I was glad I wasn't there with them. I didn't want to see it. Not the murder, not my group, not the looks on their faces. It was enough to hear it as one of the men screamed out a 'no' before splatter after splatter followed.

"Abby?" I asked again, but she shook her head instead of replying. Her hands were driving into hear ears so hard that I thought she might go def.

"Abby, it's over, they're gone," I said, noticing her hands started to loosen up. Her eyes slowly softened, until she cracked one open to peer around the room. It was mostly empty now as some helped drag out the bodies, but I stayed. My hands let go of her shoulders from where I had practically super glued them, trying to get her to talk, look at me, anything.

"They're dead?" she asked, eyes undecipherable as they looked at me widely. I nodded grimly, studying her expression.

"We're safe now."

* * *

><p>I gazed with hooded eyes at the small sliver of light from the window that rested just ahead of me, like it was taunting me. My lips were a permanent frown as I held my knees close to my chest, chin resting on them. I felt unnaturally cold as I listened to shallow breathing from a few others in the room with me. It felt as if I was always up; my mind never seemed to shut up. A shadow sat up next to me, but I didn't move as I stared at that sliver of light, wishing I could snatch it and keep it for myself.<p>

"Can't sleep?"

"'Course not," I replied with a mumble of the word as my chin continued to rest easy, arms wrapped around my calves. The shadow joined me to sit against the wall, legs sprawled out against the floor as two arms raised in the air to stretch from the crook they'd caught themselves in. I stayed quiet for a while, and the shadow seemed to know me well, for it followed my instructions, as it lied in wait, however long it didn't know, but it was comfortable with waiting. I mulled over my thoughts for some time, though I was sure what it would respond with.

"Do you think that if you killed someone… you'd be a bad person?" I asked. I felt the shadows eyes on me for a few moments as I sat in my own world.

"It depends," the shadow replied quietly, and I nodded, smiling slightly as my answer was confirmed.

"Why did you trust Gabriel so easily?" was my next question.

"Not everyone can be bad, Brooke."

I nodded to myself, blinking, as my eyes grew tired. "I could have been a bad person," I said.

My shadow was very silent for a few minutes as it tried to figure me out, and I kept my eyes from it, as if it got a look, it'd know all of my secrets. I couldn't have that, now could I?

"But I got to know you," it confessed, and I sat up a small amount, my head still turned forward. "You're not a bad person," it concluded, sounding very confident in its answer. But it was wrong; it was so wrong.

"What if I killed someone?" I asked softly, closing my eyes. I didn't want to see anything now as I sat in the dark, with my shadow that always seemed to be close by. "I killed a kid; it was after the prison," I confessed to the dark room, my chest feeling empty. This guilt would never leave me; it weighed me down so much and I wanted so badly for it to leave me alone. It wasn't fair. This world took me, stripped me of everything I loved, and turned me into a monster. Time and time again, it proved to me relentless as it thrust me into disaster and overwhelming heartbreak. It was all so unfair.

Soft, warm fingertips touched the cold backs of my hands as my shadow reached out to take one. I didn't put up a fight as my left hand was pulled from my calve and held snuggly in an attentive palm. The heat spread from his hand my cold one; I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. Grey irises stared heavily down at our linked hands, promising that things would be okay, that I didn't have to share this guilt alone. I hoped he couldn't see my face in the dark. The gesture was so unfamiliar to me, and I told myself to rip my hand away, to get as far from him as possible.

I didn't listen to it.

* * *

><p><strong>I watch the city burn<strong>  
><strong>These passions slowly smoldering<strong>  
><strong>A lesson never learned<strong>  
><strong>Only violence<strong>  
><strong>Is your world just a broken promise?<strong>  
><strong>Is your love just a drop of rain?<strong>  
><strong>Will we all just burn like fire?<strong>  
><strong>Are you still there?<strong>  
><strong>Tell me now<strong>

**can you stand the pain?**  
><strong>How long will you hide your face?<strong>  
><strong>How long will you be afraid?<strong>  
><strong>Are you afraid?<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Human**

**A/N~ I'm very sorry I haven't updated. We're trying to sell our house, so I haven't had much time to write. I've also been very stuck on this story and where I want Brooke and Abby to go as the show moves forward, but I am trying to write it out. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers, and want to thank all of you who continue to wait for my updates despite how stuck I have been lately.**

* * *

><p>Dying leaves crunched under my feet as I fled from the over-packed highways, smoke and debris filling the air like it was trying to keep me caged. Her bony fingers dug into my sweatshirt, unforgiving as she clung to me, legs limp and swaying more now than an hour or so ago. I held onto her the best I could, one hand under her spine and the other under her knees. My arms felt like the muscles had mostly deteriorated, my own legs not only burning, but also weak and just about useless. My lungs tried desperately to replenish themselves as my panting grew louder. I glanced down for only a moment to make sure she was still awake, though as I did so, I was greeted with a painful frown and lidded eyes. Out of breath, and nowhere to run.<p>

"Hey? Hey, stay with me, you hear me?" I said, grunting as I lifted her up again from where I had let my hold on her body fall. In that movement, she opened her eyes, exposing damp lashes and desperate orbs. She let out a low whimper, her free hand clutching her waistline, where blood was starting to dry.

"I-it hurts," she moaned, looking up at me for an answer.

"I know," I replied, shushing her crying before glancing around the woods with wild eyes, unsure of where to turn next. "Come on, help me," I muttered to the sky, legs shaking from the weight I had been carrying for so long. My foot caught in the dirt as I ran forward, and before I knew it I was tumbling to the ground.

Summer let out another strangled cry as I fell on top of her, gasping for air. The knot in my throat wouldn't leave.

"Okay, okay…" I mumbled, voice shaking as I wrapped her arms around my neck, picking her up off of the ground. I let out a strained cry, nothing but dead weight in my arms as I continued to stumble forward. _Not here… please not here. _

I felt as if I was going to drop her again as I looked down at her closed eyes, her teeth clenched shut as she rested against my chest. The woods were empty. I dropped to my knees, unable to support the two of us any longer. Her arms let go of me, causing her to land on the hard ground. My heart was pounding; it felt like my head was about to split in two.

"Summer, you still with me?"

She let out a sob as she turned on her side, writhing in pain as she clutched her waist.

"Summer?" I asked, grabbing hold of her shoulder. She smacked my hand away with a small amount of force, pushing away from me as I continued to try and sprawl her out. "Summer, it's me!" I said, my chest shuddering as I watched her shake with pain. "Look at me; it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine, you hear me? Look at me," I continued, cupping her cheek that was wet with tears and dirt.

"Let me look, okay?" I asked, willing her eyes to open. She looked at me with pale blue eyes, tears blurring my vision of her. She relaxed slowly, her hand that had been pushing against my chest flowing down to hold one of my hands. I reached out timidly, easing the hem of her shirt up agonizingly slow. She yelped as I started to pry it from skin stick with sweat and dry blood, squeezing my palm in hers.

"Stop, Brooke stop! P-please, s-stop," she begged miserably, letting out a choked sob.

I continued to lift her shirt, exposing the bite as I whispered 'I'm sorry's' to her. I was finally able to get a good look at the wound in her side. The bite was deep, making it hard to distinguish muscle and flesh from blood. The skin around the teeth marks were already beginning to turn a bright red, puffy and still very tender. I swallowed hard, my throat tightening as I bowed my head.

"Oh God," I whispered to myself, the grip of Summer's hand lessening. I sniffed, looking up at her. "Hey, stay awake," I murmured, squeezing her smaller hand gently as I re-cupped her flushed cheek. She was beginning to get very warm, the blood loss gaining. My heart felt like it was breaking as I listened to her noises, unable to help her. I was of no use to her. She was the only person I wanted to save, and I couldn't do it.

"Summer, please stay with me," I sobbed, shoulders shaking as I leaned over her, scooping her off the ground as I held her body close to my chest. Her eyes drooped low, staring in front of her before struggling to look back at me once more. I held her face in my blood stained palm as I clutched her hand in a desperate need to keep her with me. _You can't leave me. _

"Please stay with me," I cried, bowing my head as tears ran down my face, sniffling at the leaves under my knees. "You can't leave me here… What am I going to do? What am I supposed to do without you?" I asked the ground, my voice cracking. "I don't want to be alone…"

I hiccuped as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, staring at the darkening sky as thunder started to boom above us. I gulped as she drew in a shallow breath, crystal eyes fading into nothing as she gaped up at me.

"I… I love yo-"

Her hold on my hand faltered completely, until it rested limp in my own.

"Summer?" I wiped my nose with my sleeve before grabbing her hand tightly, shaking her shoulder roughly. "Summer?! Wake up! Wake up!"

* * *

><p>"Wake up."<p>

My eyes opened slowly at first before I gasped, sitting up against the wall roughly. I scooted away from where I had been sitting as I took in my surroundings, the air not finding me fast enough. I looked around the small room, eyes softening when they reached Abby's sleeping body before turning to face what had brought me out of my nightmare.

"Brooke? Are you okay?" Carl asked, blue eyes searching me for some sort of answer. I breathed in deeply through my nose before relaxing my racing heart, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand slowly. _It was only a dream, Brooke. _It _was_ only a nightmare, but it was too vivid. It was too real to how things actually happened. It was like my night had been swarmed of her presence, forcing me to relive the hell I had tried for so long to leave behind me. I was still running, after all this time.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I confirmed, letting out the air I had suddenly sucked in before standing up abruptly. I glanced at Carl who was still sitting against the wall where I had left him the night before, staring at me with confusion and concern. I swallowed hard before turning on my heel toward the door. I let my guard down; I let him see me like that.

* * *

><p>"You'll always be with us."<p>

We were gathered 'round Bob's bedside like a pack of animals, waiting. It always came down to waiting. He was weak now as he struggled to keep a steady breath, gazing lazily at Maggie as she kissed the back of his hand before standing to allow another goodbye. I was so tired of goodbyes.

We began to exit the room one by one as Bob called Rick to him. I took a glance, offering him a weak smile before resting a hand on Abby's shoulder to let her know I was with her. She looked up at me with red cheeks as she wiped at her lashes, head bowed low as we excused ourselves. I chose to ignore it. Everything that was happening felt fuzzy as Maggie, Tara, and Glenn packed their belongings. Abraham was taking them away, and I didn't know when I'd see them again. And it was easier to ignore it and pretend things would be okay when it felt like I was falling apart.

It wasn't long before we lost Bob to the infection, but this time, I chose wisely to shut it out. I had to shut it out so that I could keep going. I stood by the church railings with my arms crossed over my chest, watching Abraham, Eugene, and Rosita pack up the bus they had managed to fix up. I gave Maggie a hug before parting ways to say a farewell to Glenn and Tara as well.

Abraham handed Rick a map, informing him of where they were headed though we already knew as I distanced myself.

"This group should be there for it," Abraham said.

"They will be," Maggie informed him.

"We will," Michonne said afterward, before Rick agreed. I hugged myself as Abby and I wandered to the church steps as the bus was started up, staring at what was close to family as they waved. I told myself we would see them again, for my own sake. No one uttered a word as the bus drove away.

I held my arms together over my chest as I glanced at Carl and then at Abby, her hair appearing golden in the sunlight that was hiding behind the trees. I told myself we would be there too, even if it were a lie.

* * *

><p>"Hey," I said slowly, stepping on the white wood of the staircase before taking a seat next to her.<p>

She let go of the back of her head where she had been holding it over her knees, lifting her face to gaze at me as I sat down. My boots caused the stair to creak uneasily under me as I adjusted my legs, staring at the grass as the breeze pushed it to the side. After a long silence, I let out a heavy sigh. The stick cross stuck out like a sore thumb over the freshly dug graves. Sunlight began to die down, grey clouds taking its place in the sky as the sun set. The sky was splotched with color varying from a dark blue to a warm and inviting orange, but there seemed to be little to smile about.

"Listen…" I started, unsure of what to say. I had never been good at comforting others, especially not now. "I'm sure that he-"

"That what? He's in a better place?" Abby said suddenly, making me shut up for only a moment. "Don't give me that, Brooke. You know it ain't true and so do I. I understand what happens out here, okay? I get it."

I looked at my knees briefly, frowning. I was searching for something to say, but she robbed me of my words. "You're right," I replied, resting my crossed arms on my knees as I held onto my upper arms.

"I know things are bad. I just…" I paused, swallowing my pride for only a second. "I need for you to be here," I said, gazing out at the sunset that was too beautiful for our situation. But it would disappear soon. I took a glance at Abby, who was wiping her under eyelid with her finger as she looked at me with confusion.

"When I got that food, I…" I trailed off. I couldn't let her be scared of me. I had to keep her alive; it was her mother's last wish and I had to stay with her. I wouldn't scare her, I couldn't.

"When I got the food, there was someone in the store with me. He tried to mug me. I couldn't let him find where you were hiding. I couldn't let him do that… I-"

"Brooke."

I looked up at her from under my dark lashes, finding that she seemed unalarmed. She mustered up a small smile, and however fake it was, I took it regardless.

"You don't have to say it," she said, turning back to watch the sky. "I know."

I blinked in surprise, eyes boring into the side of her face. "You had to do that, I know that. But I can't… I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you stay so strong."

Her comment confused me. This is what she thought of me? Strong? I wasn't strong at all; I hid behind lies and walls so high I wasn't sure they'd ever be broken down. I didn't think I'd ever see the top of them again.

"You saved my life at the prison. I was sick and you saved me; you had to of known I was a goner, right?" she laughed a bit, "And when you came back after gettin' all that food, I knew there was somethin' wrong… When those people came into the church I was scared. I was terrified, and I looked at you, and you were so strong. You weren't scared of 'em. You still tried to protect us."

I stared at her unwavering as she spoke to me, taking in everything she said. I had her fooled, didn't I? She turned her head to look at me, her eyes turning a golden brown under the sky.

"I told you I was gonna help you, right? I'm stayin'."

* * *

><p><strong>Where are we?<strong>  
><strong>What the hell is going on?<strong>  
><strong>The dust has only just begun to form<strong>  
><strong>Crop circles in the carpet<strong>  
><strong>Sinking, feeling<strong>

**Spin me around again**  
><strong>And rub my eyes<strong>  
><strong>This can't be happening<strong>

**Hide and seek**  
><strong>Trains and sewing machines<strong>  
><strong>Blood and tears<strong>  
><strong>They were here first<strong>


End file.
